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"Losing my faith in humanity ... one neocon at a time."

Saturday, January 08, 2005

News You Can Use

posted by Jazz at 1/08/2005 08:24:00 AM

NOTE: YOU ARE VIEWING AN ARCHIVED POST AT RUNNING SCARED'S OLD BLOG. PLEASE VISIT THE NEW BLOG HERE.

Satirical blogger Tom Burka, of "Opinions You Should Have", has a really funny guest appearance in the Times this weekend. A few of the highlights.
As the 109th Congress convened this week, the news media once again turned their attention to Washington. Here are some stories they may have missed.

...

A senatorial aide who did not want to have his identity revealed because of possible repercussions, the intern Joe Weathers, confirmed that the senator was researching whether it would be legal to isolate Mr. Gonzales before the vote and force him to listen to hours of the liberal talk radio host Al Franken.

"It does seem brutal," Mr. Weathers said. "But we don't think it violates the Geneva Conventions."

...

As the result of a bureaucratic slip-up, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld was inadvertently included in the United States government delegation sent to comfort tsunami victims in Southeast Asia.

"Waves happen," Mr. Rumsfeld told survivors. "Weather is untidy. Sometimes you have to make do with the weather you get instead of the weather you want."

Mr. Rumsfeld also criticized the news coverage of the disaster. "They just keep showing the same wave over and over again," he said.

...

In the House of Representatives, Democrats were horrified to learn that Republicans had adopted a provision requiring Senator Barack Obama, Democrat of Illinois, to put the proceeds of his $1.9 million book deal into the legal defense fund of the House majority leader, Representative Tom DeLay.

"Obama's not even in the House," complained Representative Nancy Pelosi, the Democratic leader. She said Democrats would introduce a resolution that would require Bill Frist, the Republican leader of the Senate and a doctor, to provide free checkups to all House Democrats and their dependents.