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"Losing my faith in humanity ... one neocon at a time."

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

White House Whispering

posted by Jazz at 1/11/2005 11:34:00 AM

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(Names of speakers masked to protect confidential sources.)

GWB: "Dick! pssst. Dick? Is that you?"
DC: "(Ouch!) Yes sir. (Damnitall Ouch!)"
GWB: "Dick, what's wrong?"
DC: "I think you're stepping on my foot sir."
GWB: "Your foot? Are you sure that's not the coat rack?"
DC: "Fairly sure, sir. Did you want something in particular?"
GWB: "Yes, Dick. What in tarnation are we going to do about this Social Security mess? You told me that this was a done deal. A slam dunk. It was ..."
DC: "No, that was George Tenet."
GWB: "Whatever. This is our own party, gawddamnitall. Everybody was supposed to be on board and now I'm getting treated like a gawd damned piranha."

(pause)

DC: "A piranha?"
GWB: "Yes, gawdsdamnit! Half of 'em dun even want to be seen talking to me since this Social Security mess came out. You need to get these people lined up and..."
DC: "I think you mean pariah."
GWB: "Come again?"
DC: "Nothing, sir."
GWB: "Oh. Ok. Well, anywho... get these people in line, Dick. And I mean it. Get the votes rounded up on this here thing or my face ain't never gonna be on Mt. Russian or the dollar bill."
DC: "We're working on more votes, sir. Unfortunately, a lot of members are up for election in 2006 and they're hesitant to.."
GWB: "Don't give me excuse, boy! Get me results and report back when yer done."
DC: "Yes sir. Will there be anything else?"
GWB: "No. Oh, wait... how's things going over there in Iraq?"

(pause)

DC: "Just fine, sir. As usual."
GWB: "Excellent. Where's my bottle opener got to?"